I. AM. WRITNG.

monsterbeard:

Ugh.

Look.  I’m in a rut.  Creatively though.  Well, maybe life-wise too, but not in a bad way.  I mean I’m unemployed so that’s a rut but I’m not down about that or pissed off at myself.

So I’m in a creative rut.  And it’s been for about 3 months now.

I didn’t want to talk about it because talking about it means one of two things:

1. 1. A not-so-secret begging of people to say things like “you’re really talented” which is nice but I’m not interested in hearing it.
   2. Facing the possibility that maybe you’re NOT really talented or not that you’re not talented but just not good ENOUGH for this business.  Like if you breath it into the air that’s when it can become real and snatch you up.

I wrote that the other day, which was quickly followed by this, separately, a couple days later:

What the fuck story are you trying to tell and why can’t you tell it and why can’t you let it go if you can’t tell it because for some reason you keep coming back to this and there IS something there, I know there is, but jesus, just figure it the fuck out already.

And all just feeling incredibly creatively blocked for the better part of the past 3 (maybe 4) months, which is dumb, ok?  I mean, not to say that writer’s block doesn’t exist or whatever.

We can drag up a lot of quotes and TED talks about what creativity is and how it works or whatever, but that’s just the same solution as reading a bunch of books on writing to prepare yourself to write; essentially NOT writing by convincing yourself that it’s serving a higher purpose of writing “sometime in the future.”  Often enough that higher purpose is bullshit.

Not knocking on Gilbert or any of those things because they’re beautiful, and the efforts to express and push our creativity are awesome regardless.  Sometimes, though, I use that search for inspiration into ways to avoid the actual process of writing.

Then, when I was trying to sleep last night I had an epiphany about writing (screenplays for me, but you can put in anything):

Your first draft is like climbing Mount Everest.  It’s a long, hard trek but when you get to the top it’s amazing and exhilarating and you’ve conquered the world!

Your second draft is climbing down from the mountain.  It’s just as difficult as the first time, if not more so, with none of the thrill of accomplishment.  No one gives a shit when you get to the bottom.

Now I’m kind of realizing that’s not even all that encouraging, but it helps me to remember I’m writing for myself first, and also that you just have to put your head down and Keep Writing, and that’s what I’m trying to do.